My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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