I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
