I think my vagina is haunted
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
