We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
