oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
