just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
