Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
