I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my shit smells like andre
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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