Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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