please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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