new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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