She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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