you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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