4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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