Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
