i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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