I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
