it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
