We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
