it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
