Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
