cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
operation have a gay friend backfired
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
