ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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