FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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