would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
