Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
