Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
