sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
