No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
where are my eyebrows?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
