I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
