she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
