Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
