I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
