I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
