just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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