If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
