I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
