You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm lost and stupid without you.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
