Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
this hospital has no fireball
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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