I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
