Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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