whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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