Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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