Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
