I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
