Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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