She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
