Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
