A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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