my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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