He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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