i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
