does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
