i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
