i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
