Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
