Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
