this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
