there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
