he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
