I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
