first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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